"And memory."
"Yes, memory. Without that, time would be unarmed against us."
*****************************
That's a little section from one of my favorite books East of Eden. It's pretty cynical, but what if it's true? Of course it's not true, because there's happiness in the the world, but what if it is true?
It's not true. I think.
Well, but the last part must be true. Time is "armed against us" with memory, a simple enough thing to say, but one that resounds like a drum with "truth" when a person is continually haunted by a particular memory. This conundrum is explored much more artfully in the film Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. By erasing parts of their memories, the characters are able to disassociate themselves from the pain of specific relationships. This is a tempting process for a person, depending on where he/she is in the arc of his/her "relationship-breakup recovery." So, sign me up.
I'd like to think I'm too young to be truly haunted by any memories. A few years ago, I made a series of decisions that alternated between stupid, manageable-y risky, and what I thought was best, given my limited understanding of the world. And by world I mean people. And by people I mean women. So, to be perfectly honest, I underestimated how powerful the memory would be of that which my decisions destroyed. Well, not "underestimated"-- more like "failed to anticipate." Well, actually no, not "failed to anticipate." More like "anticipated but never seriously entertained as a reality since such a reality would be so devastatingly void of humanity."
